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 The Waltons Revisited

by Michelle Weisblat-Dane

Why is it that parents today are so taken for granted by their adult children?  Maybe it’s because children 20 to 25 years ago expected so much more - and we gave it to them! As my late friend Carl Bauer said, “We want better for our children than we had.” Although we felt better about giving our children things we never dreamed of having, it may have backfired. Our children now expect, and demand, the things we give them and have given them.

            The Waltons, although a TV show, was a good depiction of life during the depression. For those not familiar with the show, it was about large family growing up in the Appalachian Mountains. It follows their lives from 1927 to 1960. The family consists of grandma and grandpa, mom and dad and 7 children. The children were expected to wake up early to help with the household chores before going off to school. The parents go off to work; the mother a teacher, the father works in the family mill with grandpa. Grandma stays home and takes care of the children, cooking, and household chores.  In exchange, grandma was given money and had all of her housing and food needs met. When the children came home from school, the older boys were expected to work in the family mill while the girls and younger children helped with cooking, cleaning, and farm chores.

            Even 20 years ago things had not changed much; my sister-in-law and her husband went off to work and left their child in the care of her mother. Grandma stayed home caring for her grandson, and cooked and cleaned. In exchange her daughter paid for all her housing, and food and gave her mother money to spend.

Now, our grown children live with us and we are the grandparents. Our children not only expect us to take care of our grandchildren, but work to put a roof over their heads. Why? When did they become so arrogant as to think that their parents owed them a place to live, a car to drive, and a built in free baby sitter? They expect us, the grandparents, to do all the cooking, cleaning, and caring for their children and to pay all the bills. I realize times are hard, but they are in no way as difficult as they were during the depression.

Even children who do not live with their parents have no respect. They come over for family dinners. Yes, the grandparents enjoy and want to see their grandkids. But, why should the grandparents’ hospitality be so abused? I know when I took the children to my parents or in-laws house for dinner, I would clean up any of the kids’ messes. It was my responsibility to put back any toys they may have taken out. I helped do the dishes after dinner because I was grateful for the wonderful meal our parents made. While I was doing this my husband would change the light bulbs, fix a switch, take out the trash or do some kind of handy job. When we left, the house was as clean as, or cleaner than, when we started.

Our children today come in like a tornado and leave just as quickly, never once offering to help with the dishes or even pick up, leaving their children’s toys all over. There are some exceptions, but they are really exceptions.

I would love to see my grandchildren more often but I can’t handle the extra work. Is this all because we tried to give our children a better life than what we had?